The Little Squeak

Little Stressed/ Update

Two weeks out and my mind is running wild. I cannot help but feel overwhelmed, all the while trying to keep it together. Time has slowed a great deal, like a kid anticipating Christmas morning. I can't help but be extremely nervous for this new adventure in my life. Many times I end up speechless when thinking to myself on how life will be with this new addition.

I often venture to place myself in others shoes and see how they are doing and what they are doing with their new person. I wonder how they do it and then think back to my upbringing. I realize the means to which I had and realize there were times I wanted more. On the other hand I look back and realize I had way more than I ever needed. As a child I think we wall want more and not until we mature we realize, we would not have it any other way.

I had parents that were always there, together, no matter what. I had three brothers and a sister, although younger, always kept and keep me grounded and love me now matter what. I also had a great advantage of having an extended family close by. With 20 other family members close by, I can say they are some of my best friends and are not considered extended family but family. As we all grow and find our own niche, we all still remain close, we still get together every couple weekends and BBQ island stlye even in the winter. What's more is we have family on the other side of the country and even to them we remain close. Although our get-togethers may not be quite as frequent, we still remain tight knit.

Furthermore, Carrie and I have been blessed with great friends also. Anyone that knows me, know I am person of loyalty and would rather have few close and loyal friends than many friends.

Through these thoughts I breathe a little easier and worry less. That said, I will still worry and be anxious but I know this will wane as time proceeds. I know I am not the only one.

Update

We are about a week and half away from our due date, (Sept. 21) Carrie is now in her weekly appointments. The baby is beginning to drop slowly and Carrie is slightly dilated. In turn, that means things are on schedule and it now is a matter of days!!!

We Got a Kicker

I woke up last night because I heard Carrie chuckle a bit. I rolled over and asked her what was so funny, she replied with, "Our daughter is awake and kicking." That immediately made me excited to see or feel this child of mine playing around. I quickly placed my hand on Carrie belly and she moved my hand where I could feel it the best, however I got nothing. I left my hand there for a good ten minutes before finally falling asleep.

That said with every kick and movement Carrie tells me about I get more and more excited for the day that little kid is born!

Anticipation!

Well here we are, that baby face you see up above is my baby! It was an amazing site to see when we saw our offspring for the first time. I was so baffle by the images, I for once was speechless. I did not even have a smart ass remark, because I was in complete awww. To think, there is a human being inside my wife, is astonishing. All that said the experience was on of those things I know I will remember for a long time.

The technician asked if we would like to know the sex, both of us replied quickly, "yes." She asked what we were hoping for and I said boy of course. She quickly quieted me with what has happened during her day. "Well you two will be my first boy for the day," I sighed internally and got back to my normal smart ass self and said "Well we are here to break that trend!" I sat back in my chair and just hoped and prayed the baby would be okay. The tech sat in silence and prodded around, the few second that went by without her saying anything, felt like an eternity. All I kept waiting was for her to say is that my little child is normal and healthy. I would love her either way but you know...

She looked at all of her organs, checked the bones and spine and informed us the baby looks good. I was relieved beyond all belief. Another few minutes went by and she asked again if we wanted to know the baby's sex and was answered by a quick yes. As the anticipation built more and more, I kept trying to act like I knew what the hell I was looking at up at the screen. Much to my demise even my smarted brain cell had no idea what was on that black screen. The tech finally looked as though she wanted to speak about what was on the screen, then her face got squinty, she moved her little wand around. "Well," she said, (I was sitting there like come on woman enough with this squinty face, chit chat, speak your mind!) "We are going to do an internal ultra sound. SIGHHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHHG!!!!!!!............

I showed no emotion but inside was screaming many things and punching the everything in my mind. After the internal ultra sound the tech informed us the baby moved back and was not able to be sure of what the baby's sex is. OOOOHHHHH JEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!!! I yelled in my mind. "Do you want me tell you what I think it is?" the tech asked. We both calmly said yeah sure, "I am not positive but see those three lines, ( yes I remember three lines I believe that is a wiener I said in my head) this generally means a girl." She explained to us that she is not 100% but from what she has seen it is probably a girl.

I really want to start calling that thing in my wife belly by its real name and not just kid or it. For now, I will call it my little girl. That has a crazy little ring to it, my little girl. It seems like just yesterday I graduated from high school, met Carrie, now I am having a kid!?!?! Crazy!

Another thing we got to do during this appointment is meet with the midwife. I am not sure exactly still what she does, but from what I gather, she is the doctor's right hand man. The midwife will deliver the baby if the doctor happens to be unavailable. Also from some of the other articles I have read, the midwife is significantly less expensive as far as bills go, if you have insurance I understand it is not that big of a deal.

All that said we go back in one more month. We will get another ultra sound to try and find out the sex of the baby and make sure everything is still going smooth. I gonna have a little girl, man where did the time go? In the words of my dad HUAH!!!!!

We are Underway

We had our second visit to the doctor yesterday and this one was short and F ing SWEET. This was the first time we got to hear the heartbeat of the our kid. Carrie is healthy and as far as we know our kid is healthy and growing just fine!

It took a day or so for the actual shock that there is a baby inside of my wife to set in. Now that it has I am stoked. I just can't believe it. The heartbeat was beating at an incredible rate of 150 beats per minute!

I am so grateful Carrie and our baby are doing well! Carrie has had little to no first trimester sickness which we are both thankful for. We have our first ultrasound in about 8 weeks so I am super excited and at that time we will be able to maybe see the sex.

I can't wait, what a great thing!

Whewww!

Well we went to the doctor last week and so far so good. We go again in another four weeks and I am not sure what to expect from that appointment.

Carrie is still feeling pretty good. Not showing yet but we are still only 9 weeks along.

I still am pretty nervous and just want to get out of this first trimester and move along with the pregnancy. I guess the first trimester is the most vulnerable time. Therefore my nerves are on the fritz more often than not.

All that said we are optimistic. We are super excited and I especially am so hyped to bring a little person in the world. I had my first baby dream two days ago. Let me explain this dream to you...

We are in the backyard of my Nana and Grandpa's house at a normal family BBQ. It is spring time and the weather is very nice. All the normal commotion going on in the background, the little girl cousins playing, Jumbo asking Heavy "if he can get at those," Shelby is laughing. Uncle John at the grill the Guam women getting the food ready, Aunt Les is taking pictures of me and the new kid. Carrie is sitting to my left sipping on a long anticipated margarita, and here I am holding my little boy, sitting in a lawn chair in the driveway facing the garage holding him up in the air and he gives me a giant toothless smile. With every thrust into the air that classic baby laugh roars. I was overwhelmed with pure joy and excitement, as this is MY little guy.

As I toss him up again and when he falls back into my arms my my baby speaks in a rather dinstinct tone, "Well father, it is a true pleasure to be a majestic Barker." He spoke some more but I cant remember all of what he said but to say the least my 3 month old son spoke to me with great diction.

When I woke up i had to laugh hard and realized that man i am going to be a dad in just a half a year.

Sigh...

I can't get over the nerves at this point. I hope and pray our baby is growing normal and healthy. I can't help but think of some of the negatives. I can't wait for the appointment tomorrow. I just want to know our baby is good. All that said, I have been preparing myself for any negative news. I doubt there is any proper way to prepare, but I will try. I am keeping positive thoughts and know there is a minimal chance for the negative, however the overwhelming thought lingers beyond anything I have endured before. Its amazing the emotion that has been going through me as the appointment approaches. Even as I write this my stomach is in knots, my mind is inevitably clouded, and my eyes well up now and again. The whole day I have been trying to stay busy and keep my mind clear. I have eaten today only by force as I have no taste for anything. Please be okay, please.

Nerves Building

We have our first official doctor appointment in about a week. I have read through several books and have done a lot of research on what to expect during the nine months. With all that information there is an overwhelming amount of all the bad things that could happen that I came across too. With that comes all the nerves. I hate to think about the things that could go wrong, therefore I try to overwhelm myself with good thoughts. I try to do the same for Carrie too, as I know she thinks of all the same things. I imagine every soon to be parent thinks the same way no matter what kid they are on but I still can't help myself.

Aside from all that Carrie seems to be doing pretty good so far.