Whewww!

Well we went to the doctor last week and so far so good. We go again in another four weeks and I am not sure what to expect from that appointment.

Carrie is still feeling pretty good. Not showing yet but we are still only 9 weeks along.

I still am pretty nervous and just want to get out of this first trimester and move along with the pregnancy. I guess the first trimester is the most vulnerable time. Therefore my nerves are on the fritz more often than not.

All that said we are optimistic. We are super excited and I especially am so hyped to bring a little person in the world. I had my first baby dream two days ago. Let me explain this dream to you...

We are in the backyard of my Nana and Grandpa's house at a normal family BBQ. It is spring time and the weather is very nice. All the normal commotion going on in the background, the little girl cousins playing, Jumbo asking Heavy "if he can get at those," Shelby is laughing. Uncle John at the grill the Guam women getting the food ready, Aunt Les is taking pictures of me and the new kid. Carrie is sitting to my left sipping on a long anticipated margarita, and here I am holding my little boy, sitting in a lawn chair in the driveway facing the garage holding him up in the air and he gives me a giant toothless smile. With every thrust into the air that classic baby laugh roars. I was overwhelmed with pure joy and excitement, as this is MY little guy.

As I toss him up again and when he falls back into my arms my my baby speaks in a rather dinstinct tone, "Well father, it is a true pleasure to be a majestic Barker." He spoke some more but I cant remember all of what he said but to say the least my 3 month old son spoke to me with great diction.

When I woke up i had to laugh hard and realized that man i am going to be a dad in just a half a year.

Sigh...

I can't get over the nerves at this point. I hope and pray our baby is growing normal and healthy. I can't help but think of some of the negatives. I can't wait for the appointment tomorrow. I just want to know our baby is good. All that said, I have been preparing myself for any negative news. I doubt there is any proper way to prepare, but I will try. I am keeping positive thoughts and know there is a minimal chance for the negative, however the overwhelming thought lingers beyond anything I have endured before. Its amazing the emotion that has been going through me as the appointment approaches. Even as I write this my stomach is in knots, my mind is inevitably clouded, and my eyes well up now and again. The whole day I have been trying to stay busy and keep my mind clear. I have eaten today only by force as I have no taste for anything. Please be okay, please.