Mindful

This year has been a year to remember and I wanted to make sure of that. I wanted to take the time to "smell the roses" if you will. I made some life changing moves, from religion to my overall approach to life. I think for the first time in my life I am embracing "my life".

There are so many days I have taken for granted and with that I let life slip through my fingers. There have been too many times where I wanted to hurry through the day, week, season or whatever it may be. I am 28 years old now and looking back, I realize I have missed too much.

For years I try to satisfy my life with selfishness and through that I realize no satisfaction was ever enough. I had the chance to really learn from people this year and open my mind into another state. Moreover, having a daughter now forces me to look into a new direction all the while living in the now.

I remember laying in the grass as a child imagining the clouds in sky were not just clouds or the card board boxes used for our fortress was hand laid brick. Then when my daughter picks up a blank piece of paper and tears it into pieces and laughs hysterically, i think a little differently.

A cliche you hear a lot when you have a kid is, "you get to see the world again from a new perspective", this cliche is nothing short of the truth. For the first couple of months I took the popular phrase for granted and would dismiss it. Then, call it what you want, I had an epiphany. I realized it is 2010, I am married, I have a baby, a career and a life of my own. I think I forget that. I forget all the things around me for no good reason.

Therefore this year I have taken the time to see it all. For the first time I am mindful of all the things I have taken for granted. Whether it be my emotions, tangible or intangibles, people, places and so on, I am so much more mindful.

Remember Now

This November has gone by unbelievably fast. This time of year is my favorite and every year it seems to go by too fast! I have made the conscious this year more memorable. For the past year, I have turned a new leaf. I want to make a point to be mindful and no matter the emotion I come across, I will embrace.

While this is a time for giving thanks and being grateful, I am. I have more than I could ever ask for, a family, friends, a job and so much more.

I have read a lot more this year and learned to embrace whatever comes my way, good or bad, happy and sad.

I want to remember what I have now.

Beautiful

Beautiful
Originally uploaded by Sinbrad3

The Little Squeak

Spring in Your Step

Well Spring is just around the corner and life is not too shabby. Work is good for both Carrie and me, Averi is growing out of clothes like no one's business and we are all pretty excited for Grandparents in May. For Carrie and Averi this will be the first time they meet my Grandpa and Grandma Barker. Likewise soon after our Grandmom Sherrell will also be visiting from North Carolina and Averi has yet to meet her. May cannot come soon enough, between family, baseball and a growing little pipsqueak it will prove to be a great month of activities and special time with family.

There will be a lot going on this summer but first and foremost its about Duke right now. Baby Girl already is a big Duke fan and often sits and watches with me during the games. She also cries when she sees something she does not like, a bad pass she gets really upset(Ha). She does not know it yet but she will also be a big Yankee fan (She already has her jersey ready, thanks to Nicole) and of course a Rockies fan with the Helton jersey pressed and ready to go.

I cannot wait for her to attend her first baseball game! We attended the University of Wyoming men's basketball game back in February and she was so mesmerized by the whole thing, it was really neat to see. She loves to see all of the people, colors and all of the other fun stuff. Uncle Dave and my friend, Melonie, also met us at the game and the whole time the look on her face was priceless.

Averi loves to see new faces. Her first reaction is a stare down, then depending on your first move, you get a great big gummy smile or a shy away dish into mom or dad's shoulder. Aside from meeting new people she loves to be held, right now it does not matter who you are as long as you smile and give her a great big smile, the little cutie takes to you real quick. With all of the family we have, she has to be pretty versatile and not so picky about who she goes to.

Early this month she got to spend the day with the Salas'. Uncle Mike, Aunt Les, cousin Taylor and Shelby were all there to lend a hand. It had been a couple weeks since we had seen them and Averi was hesitant to start, yet warmed up quickly and ultimately had a great day!

Averi has had a pretty diverse babysitter club, between Carrie's family, Kristen the babysitter and all of my family, she will have a lot of people to thank when she gets older. Averi usually comes up to Cheyenne once or twice a week and gets to stay with her Grandaddy and Uncle Big Al in the morning, then G-Ma comes home, then comes Sis and then Uncle Needles which all leads to a spoiled little cutie pie. And she loves it.

When we are all finished at G-Ma's and Grandads, we usually make a trip to see Nana and Grandpa. Every time we go over there, I bring Averi up in her car seat and set her in the kitchen. Usually Grandpa is sitting watching TV with a cup of coffee and greets us with a "Hey Man! and Hey little girl!". While my Grandpa greets my Nana says "hello?" and "Did you bring the baby?", I laugh and reply with the affirmative and she quickly comes to the kitchen. She gets down on both knees like a little kid and sits back on her heels and proceeds to just stare and kiss Baby Girl. After a minute she pulls her out and my Grandpa and Nana ask how she is doing.

The little personality is starting to shine through. Let's just say she is definitely a little girl but a Daddy's girl. It is unfortunate to say but man she has me wrapped! Sometimes when I am tired, grumpy and just not happy, a simple smile can bring me back to life the way it should be spent.

With that said sometimes I do not know how Carrie does it. She has an incredible amount of patience, however she has put up with me all these years so I guess she is accustomed to it. However, some of those late nights, those nights when baby girl wakes up every ten minutes, Carrie is quick to her side and with no complaints. She is great. I on the other hand am not so patient and to my rescue comes my Carrie. She definitely has the touch when it comes to sleep whereas I am the antithesis to sleep for Averi, I am her cup of coffee as soon as she sees me. I think that is why Carrie tries to get her before I do, mostly because as soon as the little pipsqueak lays eyes on me apparently it is time to play!

All in all summer is going to be great. I look forward to all the friends and family and not to mention the big family barbeques!

Hmmm...

I am not sure if she very fond of the whole helmet thing yet...

Bigging

Carrie told me of a story when she was very young about her not wanted to grow up. She exclaimed to those who listened that she disliked "bigging". I was recently sent an email that was forwarded. Inside the email was script from, I think George Carlin. Inside the script it talks about the aging process. It speaks of when we are young we want to grow up so fast and when we are old we wished we were young. Carrie sat on the couch yesterday and said "Do you remember when she was so little...?" We laughed at how we are already saying "remember when."

Soon Averi will be four months old. The little tyke is growing quickly, gaining a personality and becoming a little person. We are finding out so much about her. She doesn't like the car, she likes to eat her feet, she loves to chit chat, she does not like being alone, she sleeps with her hands above her head, gets scared when Uncle Dave gives her the slightest "Boo!", loves the sound of running water, pukes on command, drools like a faucet, just to describe her a little. She will laugh with the best of them and cry just as hard. With all that said she will make your day with a simple smile and she can make you laugh with a little chatter even at two in the morning.

It really is amazing to see the evolution of life. Just a year ago Carrie and I were hanging out planning for the weekend and now we plan for the night. Can't help but think about how this all started.

Just yesterday Carrie and I were flirting in the dorms at NJC. Just a few hours ago we got married and a few seconds ago we have Averi.

Guess we gotta big no matter what. I guess all we can do is live in the now and cherish this time whether the time be bad or good. Before I go to sleep at night, I go into Averi's room and stand there and gaze at my little girl. I go into my bedroom and lie beside my wife. I realize that man it would suck to die today but if I can die with those images in my head, it will be okay.

Learning Photography

I got this camera just a couple months ago and am beginning to love this new hobby! What do you think?



















Some Christmas shots.

The Little Things

They say that life changes when you have a child, well I have to say it is very true. Not only because of the obvious but for other intangibles. The overall view of things become so much more meaningful. It's amazing some of those "chick flicks" I used to make fun of, take new meanings. My overall view has been altered some for good and some for bad. I expected my life to change, just not in this way.

"I Love You"

Before Averi was born I often took for granted my time with Carrie. I knew she would be there when I got back and didn't much think of her when I left for something or other. With that said I would often repeat the normal to her and depart. I don't often say "I Love you", simply because I don't believe the phrase should be thrown around. I believe when I say "I love you" it should last and it should be remembered. Carrie before she leaves always says she loves me. I often let that set, even if I am half asleep, I remember it. She may not know that but when someone says I love you, I take it in, call it what you will, I know it is kind of weird.

I don't say "I love you" to my family enough. I cannot remember the last time I told any one in my family "I love you." I despise the fact I cannot say it without hesitancy.

Having Averi makes me realize that even more. I make a point of it to tell her I love her when it is just her and me. I whisper the phrase softly in her ear every day at least once a day, hoping she will understand. This may sound funny but every time I tell her I love her, an overwhelming feeling comes over me, it's indescribable.

I think for me I have always associated the phrase with "Goodbye", anyone who knows me knows I hate goodbye. My phrases consist of, farewell, so long or see you later. I have memories of people saying "I love you" to me or someone else and all of them seem sad.

I remember my Grandpa going into heart surgery, this is the first time I saw fear radiate through my him. He was laying in the hospital bed and while I was the last one aside from my Nana to leave the room, my Nana leaned over the rail, kissed him and whispered "I love you, you are going to be okay, I love you". I saw true love with that moment along with a slew of other emotions.

Along the same line my other grandpa was in bad shape and my dad, brother and I flew to see him. I have seen my dad cry two other times prior to this and to see him wear his heart on his sleeve was an emotionally impactful experience. I am an emotional person much more than my brother Dave and my dad. When my dad, with tears in his eyes, said "I love you Dad" I looked to my brother and saw him shed a tear. The two people in my life that hold their emotions in more than anyone I know expressed their emotion, and to this day has a profound effect on me.

Last but certainly not least, my mom is where I get my emotional make-up. She often wears her heart on her sleeve. I fully have succumb to the fact that I am a momma's boy. The day I left for college, she hugged me tight and with tears rolling down her face she said "I love you son." I will never forget that moment.

Home Sweet Home

I am now 27 years-old. I have a wife and child. My home sweet home is now with them. There is nothing like the feeling of being away on a long trip, coming back home, sitting on your own couch and being around your family. When I first started my job I was still living at home and it was refreshing to come back and hang out with my parents, brothers and sister and still is might I add. When I moved in with Carrie it was the same feeling.

Now that Averi is here, that feeling has changed. When I get home and see that little girl looking up at me and when my first words to her are met with a smile, life's challenges become so minuscule. It seems like every time I see here after being away for some time, even just from night to morning, it is like I have been away for years. It is an amazing feeling.

Mindfulness

For much of this past Christmas break, Averi would wake up around four and then around seven. At the seven o'clock wake up we would bring Averi into our bed and we would all just lay and fall back asleep. When we would wake up again, just playing, talking, no TV, no phone, no distractions whatsoever, just Carrie, Averi and me. I am very mindful of those moments and am trying to practice mindfulness more routinely. I want to look back at those times with a vivid memory and be able to recall the detail.

I want to remember all of this as I age. I want to look back, see my brother kiss Averi on her forehead, see my mom hug Carrie, play catch with my dad, see my sister with a new purse and on and on and on. Those little details make me happy and I hope one day I can express these memories with great detail to those that wish to listen.