Christmas 2009

 

First picture all together. What a special christmas. One I will never forget.

My Daddy and Me

This is Averi the first time I got to hold her in the hospital.

 

Waking Up to You

 

Seven Weeks of Life

Life is Good

Just about seven weeks after Averi was born she is growing and gathering her own little personality. Day by day our little pipsqueek continues to amaze us. As most of you know she battled through a bout of swine flu at about 3 weeks old. She is beginning to hold her head up by herself and can still let out a mighty little roar.

At seven weeks Carrie and I assume she is about 10 lbs. Her hair is beginning to lighten up and continue to grow. She is also beginning to koo and ahh. Especially around three in the morning, she likes to lay in her bassinet and chit chat with herself.

With that said she is not so much a morning person. She enjoys sleeping with her mom from 8am to noon or later in some cases. From about noon to 3 or 4 she likes to hang out and look around. We haven't figured out exactly what she is looking at but there is something on the wall that is super intriguing;) From about 4 to 6 she gets cranky!
All that said Carrie is headed back to school this upcoming week and bummed she has to leave baby girl. Carrie has been incredible to say the least, from being a wonderful mom to a wonderful wife I could not ask for much more.

As December approaches I look forward to my time with my baby girl. I get to spend three weeks with her and man is all hell going to break loose at the Barker household. It is a good thing she is not able to walk yet because Carrie would then have to take care of two children.
Family

One of the things most people notice with my family is the closeness and tight knit of even our extended family. We often have parties on the weekends, often times with nothing to celebrate, just to be together.

We got together with my whole family last weekend and it reminded me of how great it is to have a large family and one that is close.

I became mindful of my cousins and how I do not consider them cousins, more so as brothers and sisters. I became mindful of my aunts and uncles and how they are more fathers and mothers. Lastly I became mindful of my Grandpa and Nana and how lucky I am to still have them around. Likewise how fortunate I am to have Averi and Carrie share this with me.

"Baby Girl"

Well Worth the Wait

Is it Time?

I got a call today from Carrie while I was at work. She expressed calmly that I should come home "just in case". I asked her how she was feeling and said I am on the way. I shut down my computer and cleaned my area and left. On the way home I called my Mom and simply wanted to run by the symptoms Carrie was having, all the while my agenda was to see if I should panic, hurry or whatever. My Mom answered with, "is this it?!?!", I quickly replied with my question. I told her Carrie was having cramps that were inconsistent, my mom recounted her four pregnancies and said this was going to be it. With a great excitement in her voice she began to speak at an incredible rate, "I am coming, I gotta call so an so, are you sure,?!?"

I attempted to calm my Mom and she slowed slightly only at the suggestion that I call her as soon as I get home. A I continued to drive home, the 30 or so minute commute flew by. Thoughts ran rampant through my head and before I knew it I was home. I walked in the door and solemnly asked Carrie how she is feeling, she said "Good, off and on and inconsistent cramping" while trying to hold my excitement in, I inquired more and joked with her as I normally do.

We were scheduled to be induce the upcoming Friday and fully expecting nothing less. I jokes with her saying, "This is a juke this baby girl is putting on us."

Hee Hee Hee Hoooooo

As we sat in our living room, Carrie said hold on, she closed her eyes and began a deliberate set of breathing. I recalled the Cosby Show when Cliffs son in law, Elvin started breathing in rhythm with his wife and panic. Reality soon set in.

We called the doctor and made a visit to do a "labor check." The doctor checked Carrie and told us this child is on the way, however she is not quite ready yet and to go walk around for a few hours. At this point in time it was 2pm. We left the doctor and ran home and made sure we were ready. Carrie's contractions began to strengthen and intensify. She was no longer willing to wait to go in at this point.

At 445pm we called the doctor again and asked to come in, the doctor checked and said it is time to head to the hospital.

Waiting Game

We checked into the hospital, made it to our room and Carrie continued her contractions. I recalled the classed we went to for preparation for the birth. Carrie was a champ. She focused on her breathing which helped keep her mind off the pain or at least cope with the extreme pain she was in every so many minutes. The contractions were sporadic and not spaced consistent.

After 3 hours of deliberate breathing Carrie gave in to the extreme pain. By 8pm Carrie had about all shecould endure, she requested an epidural. The anesthesiologist came in, administered the meds and they kicked in within five minutes. Carrie was relieved to say the least.

Our nurse and doctor asked us to rest for a few hours and then she will come back in about four hours to re-check Carrie. At midnight the nurse checked Carrie again and the doctor would soon follow and asked us to wait about 2-3 more hours. As I laid on the makeshift convertible recliner bed, I would close my eyes only to see my mind going wild.

Go Time Baby

It was 4am and the nurse began to brief Carrie on the upcoming push fest. She gave me the low-down on what I will be doing during that time. My objective was to help hold Carrie's leg while she leaned forward to push.

The time came and Carrie began the 2 1/2 hour pain marathon. With each push progress was made. Averi began to drop further and further. The nurse asked if I wanted to see Averi's head. I was reluctant at first but soon gave in. I was in awww. She had so much hair from what I got to see and I had no idea it was all this real.

7.1 Pounds Lighter

At 633am baby Averi Elizabeth Barker made her way into the world. My initial thoughts were shock, relief, shock, disbelief, and to say the least more shock. I could not say a word, the doctor asked if I wanted to cut the cord, I replied with a head nod and proceeded. For the next 10 minutes Carrie and I said nothing and stared at Averi as she cried. The nurses cleaned her off, I kissed Carrie on her forehead, kissed my baby girl and for the first time in 15 minutes I uttered my first words, "I love you. She is beautiful. Good work Carrie."

I gazed in complete incredulity at this little tiny child that lay on my wife's chest. Carrie had the same look as I did. She looked at me then fixed her eyes on this little human we created.


Averi Elizabeth Barker
Born 6:33am, September 29, 2009
7.1 pounds
19.75 inches

Anticipating Christmas

Although due dates are just tentative dates in which is nothing more than a guideline, I cannot help but be a little disappointed my little girl has not arrived. While sitting at home I was reluctant to travel to Cheyenne for a family BBQ because I really wanted this to be the day, needless to say it was not. I had a feeling all day, however that was probably fabricated by my selfish thoughts.

Today is the official due date and the whole night I slept uneasy as I awaited Carrie to wake me and say "Let's go." For the past few nights, sleep has been at a premium, as nerves and anticipation overwhelm me.

When I am away from Carrie I constantly check my phone, even more so than my normal "Crackberry" habits. I walk with my phone in hand and check it with each step it seems.

I knew a month ago, this would happen. I knew I tell myself every year as Christmas approaches to slow down and savor the time. Three days before Christmas I want time to come to a complete halt, I do everything to help enable that and all of the sudden I am back at work, looking back at the previous year.

I know when this baby finally does arrive, the time will fly. I think about life in general and see that happen. It seems like just yesterday I was hitting my dad in the knee with a batted baseball, running from my Nana, sneaking my mom's brownies with my friend Brian, posing on the front lawn with my brothers and sister, going over to my aunt's and uncle's houses to play and on and on.

I imagine the same applies for this kid, who is choosing to maintain the status quo and further prolong my anticipation. I guess I can't blame her.

Little Stressed/ Update

Two weeks out and my mind is running wild. I cannot help but feel overwhelmed, all the while trying to keep it together. Time has slowed a great deal, like a kid anticipating Christmas morning. I can't help but be extremely nervous for this new adventure in my life. Many times I end up speechless when thinking to myself on how life will be with this new addition.

I often venture to place myself in others shoes and see how they are doing and what they are doing with their new person. I wonder how they do it and then think back to my upbringing. I realize the means to which I had and realize there were times I wanted more. On the other hand I look back and realize I had way more than I ever needed. As a child I think we wall want more and not until we mature we realize, we would not have it any other way.

I had parents that were always there, together, no matter what. I had three brothers and a sister, although younger, always kept and keep me grounded and love me now matter what. I also had a great advantage of having an extended family close by. With 20 other family members close by, I can say they are some of my best friends and are not considered extended family but family. As we all grow and find our own niche, we all still remain close, we still get together every couple weekends and BBQ island stlye even in the winter. What's more is we have family on the other side of the country and even to them we remain close. Although our get-togethers may not be quite as frequent, we still remain tight knit.

Furthermore, Carrie and I have been blessed with great friends also. Anyone that knows me, know I am person of loyalty and would rather have few close and loyal friends than many friends.

Through these thoughts I breathe a little easier and worry less. That said, I will still worry and be anxious but I know this will wane as time proceeds. I know I am not the only one.

Update

We are about a week and half away from our due date, (Sept. 21) Carrie is now in her weekly appointments. The baby is beginning to drop slowly and Carrie is slightly dilated. In turn, that means things are on schedule and it now is a matter of days!!!

Realism

Well needless to say the day is almost here and our new addition will arrive in just weeks. We have now made it past several ultrasounds, two glucose tests, several other tests and about six appointments . With Carrie now at 36 weeks and nearly considered full term, we will now go in for weekly checkups to make sure everything is going smoothly. With that comes the reality of life setting in. As the weeks close in, our nursery is slowly getting put together and everything else seems to be falling in place.

The nursery is packed with all the goodies we have received from the numerous baby showers Carrie has had thrown for her/us, as well as the crib and changing table given to us by our Aunt Lani. Although the room looks messy right now I am confident it will be put together by the end of the weekend. That said, everything becomes a little bit more real.

Reality of being dad has come and gone over the past eight months. The initial surprise seems surreal while 16 week appointment brings reality beating in(get to listen to the heartbeat at that point), literally. When we hit the 20 week mark a more than real visual makes itself present and while I felt myself overwhelmed with glee, reality besieged my thoughts. To secure the veracity of the situation every few weeks Carrie would go in and get her routine check ups and during those times we get to hear the heartbeat. As weeks progress different moments make this whole thing very authentic.

Last weekend we attended a birthing class and while Carrie I gathered some valuable information and had a good time, I couldn't help how bona fide the situation is. As we left the class on Sunday, Carrie turned and asked, "That made everything seem so real, huh?" I answered her with an enthusiastic yet slightly scared, yes.

Although fear occasionally enter my mind, I can't help but be inundated with gratefulness for having friends and family by our side even if geography separates us. It is comforting to know we always have someone to lean on. There are days where fear fills my thoughts, however I have no excuse to continue those negative thoughts because of our family and friends.

With just weeks to go I feel excited and and anxious for my baby girl. I often imagine what to do, how to be, and so on but now I wonder no more. Carrie and I were raised well and I intend to believe in what we have been taught and what we have learned over the years will suffice.

We Got a Kicker

I woke up last night because I heard Carrie chuckle a bit. I rolled over and asked her what was so funny, she replied with, "Our daughter is awake and kicking." That immediately made me excited to see or feel this child of mine playing around. I quickly placed my hand on Carrie belly and she moved my hand where I could feel it the best, however I got nothing. I left my hand there for a good ten minutes before finally falling asleep.

That said with every kick and movement Carrie tells me about I get more and more excited for the day that little kid is born!

Anticipation!

Well here we are, that baby face you see up above is my baby! It was an amazing site to see when we saw our offspring for the first time. I was so baffle by the images, I for once was speechless. I did not even have a smart ass remark, because I was in complete awww. To think, there is a human being inside my wife, is astonishing. All that said the experience was on of those things I know I will remember for a long time.

The technician asked if we would like to know the sex, both of us replied quickly, "yes." She asked what we were hoping for and I said boy of course. She quickly quieted me with what has happened during her day. "Well you two will be my first boy for the day," I sighed internally and got back to my normal smart ass self and said "Well we are here to break that trend!" I sat back in my chair and just hoped and prayed the baby would be okay. The tech sat in silence and prodded around, the few second that went by without her saying anything, felt like an eternity. All I kept waiting was for her to say is that my little child is normal and healthy. I would love her either way but you know...

She looked at all of her organs, checked the bones and spine and informed us the baby looks good. I was relieved beyond all belief. Another few minutes went by and she asked again if we wanted to know the baby's sex and was answered by a quick yes. As the anticipation built more and more, I kept trying to act like I knew what the hell I was looking at up at the screen. Much to my demise even my smarted brain cell had no idea what was on that black screen. The tech finally looked as though she wanted to speak about what was on the screen, then her face got squinty, she moved her little wand around. "Well," she said, (I was sitting there like come on woman enough with this squinty face, chit chat, speak your mind!) "We are going to do an internal ultra sound. SIGHHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHHG!!!!!!!............

I showed no emotion but inside was screaming many things and punching the everything in my mind. After the internal ultra sound the tech informed us the baby moved back and was not able to be sure of what the baby's sex is. OOOOHHHHH JEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!!! I yelled in my mind. "Do you want me tell you what I think it is?" the tech asked. We both calmly said yeah sure, "I am not positive but see those three lines, ( yes I remember three lines I believe that is a wiener I said in my head) this generally means a girl." She explained to us that she is not 100% but from what she has seen it is probably a girl.

I really want to start calling that thing in my wife belly by its real name and not just kid or it. For now, I will call it my little girl. That has a crazy little ring to it, my little girl. It seems like just yesterday I graduated from high school, met Carrie, now I am having a kid!?!?! Crazy!

Another thing we got to do during this appointment is meet with the midwife. I am not sure exactly still what she does, but from what I gather, she is the doctor's right hand man. The midwife will deliver the baby if the doctor happens to be unavailable. Also from some of the other articles I have read, the midwife is significantly less expensive as far as bills go, if you have insurance I understand it is not that big of a deal.

All that said we go back in one more month. We will get another ultra sound to try and find out the sex of the baby and make sure everything is still going smooth. I gonna have a little girl, man where did the time go? In the words of my dad HUAH!!!!!

First Ultrasound Coming Up

I gotta say with the upcoming visit coming up tomorrow, I am super excited and a bit nervous. Tomorrow I think we also meet the midwife. Carrie has been doing really well. So far she has not had many issues with sickness or things like that. I think I am just ready to know and have this kid. I am like a kid waiting for Christmas to come right now. There are so many things I am nervous for and even more I am excited for. I keep joking I will have to mentally prepare for if it is a girl but in all reality I could care less, I am just excited for a kid. I think there is a part of me that really wants a girl anyway. I think it will be cool have "Daddy's little girl." I know she will be super smart because of me of course (who am I kidding the smarts are coming from Carrie).



I think the thing that makes me the most nervous is supporting another. I know we have a great support system with all of our families and what now but I am sure I just like any other new dad. All of the other nerves go through me too like health and so forth but I have faith that everything is okay and that little person is doing just fine. We tomorrow it will all set in I am sure, Big Brads gonna be a dad!

Family Friends Part 1

Round 3

We had our third prego visit this past wednesday unfortunately I was late so wasn't able to attend though. Aside from that it looks as though everything is going alright. This appointment was fairly uneventful however this is the point where the couple decides if they would like to have some pre-screening for various disorders. We opted to not get any of the tests done. Either way the child that awaits will be showered with undying love. Sure, if something is different it will give us time to prepare but we figure just let ride. The baby's heartbeat is till strong and Carrie is doing well. Although Carrie has not gained weight the doctor told her just to make sure she puts down some more calories but nothing to worry about. She is appearing to show little by little and starting to get a little pooch, if you will.

Carrie seems to be feeling pretty good. She has been staying active through various activities and is excited about her first season as the Fort Collins Buckaroos head coach.

We just moved down to Fort Collins and are almost settled into our new diggs. This helps split the drive up and since we are having the baby in Fort Collins this only makes sense.

All that said we are doing well and eagarly awaiting the arrival of our first child. I have been having some crazy dreams I must say. I continue to envision life with another Generation III Barker. That probably leads to all of my crazy dreams.

A Different Outlook

I woke up this morning to the sound of my alarm, a gong like sound on my Blackberry. I rolled over dismissed the alarm and for a short time fell back asleep. I woke up, drank most of my water in my water bottle walked to the kitchen to fill it up again and gazed out the window. I looked around, the clouds were gray, the wind was strong, cars parked, people walking their dogs, and people going somewhere. I stood there with sleeping eyes, water bottle in my left hand and stared for several minutes. I trimmed my facial hair, showered, shaved, dressed, fixed my meals for the day, ate breakfast and walked out to my car. I place everything in my car including my laptop, lunch and workout clothes and looked around.

I took it all in. I think I had an epiphany. I saw my life in a different light. For the past 2 months I have made some changes in my life. I have lost nearly 38lbs and most notably 18lbs in the past 2 1/2 weeks. I am running, jogging, yeah the stuff where you move your feet at a fast pace for extended periods of distances and time. (I know its shocker haha)I lift weights and feel like I am a sophomore in college again when I was in incredible shape. I eat well majority of the time. I eat a lot, thanks in part to a good friend Andrew, who made me a diet I never thought I would follow.

I remember the day I found out Carrie and I became soon to be parents. I was sitting in the recliner, watching television. I was the at the heaviest weight I have ever been. Carrie came out of the bathroom and said I'm pregnant. I sat in silence as my excitement and nerves overwhelmed me to the extent in which words could not generate, sounds were nothing more than bleeps, and the expression on my face was frozen. I politely told Carrie to shut up numerous times, all the while she insisted she was truthful. I asked her to take another one or told her rather. She confirmed again and that's when it all happen.

As I sat there in disbelief, excitement, fear and excitement again. I then was struck by another feeling of sadness. I realized who I was. I realized that life had to change. I said to Carrie, "Dammit! Now I have to get my ass in shape, because I am not going to be a fat dad." Those were pretty close to my exact words I think. They still ring very true to this moment. I am going to make sure that I do everything my dad did and still does with me. I don't have to worry about calling my dad up and asking him if he wants to go play some tennis or something, because he is in great shape. I want to make sure when my kids are 26 or however old, they are able to call on me and I am able to go beat them in whatever they want to play. (Yes I said BEAT them, just cause they are younger doesn't mean I am going to let them win.)

All that said when I walked out to my car this morning all that rang through my body and mind again. I realized that life is good. Before, I kept waiting for fate to take over and in part I still think there is a plan but in the mean time I am gonna generate my own plan. I just think I need to take what is given to me and see what happens. I have a great wife, family, friends, job, roof over my head, car and so on. I appreciate these things and take a great deal of pride in what I have.

We are Underway

We had our second visit to the doctor yesterday and this one was short and F ing SWEET. This was the first time we got to hear the heartbeat of the our kid. Carrie is healthy and as far as we know our kid is healthy and growing just fine!

It took a day or so for the actual shock that there is a baby inside of my wife to set in. Now that it has I am stoked. I just can't believe it. The heartbeat was beating at an incredible rate of 150 beats per minute!

I am so grateful Carrie and our baby are doing well! Carrie has had little to no first trimester sickness which we are both thankful for. We have our first ultrasound in about 8 weeks so I am super excited and at that time we will be able to maybe see the sex.

I can't wait, what a great thing!

Whewww!

Well we went to the doctor last week and so far so good. We go again in another four weeks and I am not sure what to expect from that appointment.

Carrie is still feeling pretty good. Not showing yet but we are still only 9 weeks along.

I still am pretty nervous and just want to get out of this first trimester and move along with the pregnancy. I guess the first trimester is the most vulnerable time. Therefore my nerves are on the fritz more often than not.

All that said we are optimistic. We are super excited and I especially am so hyped to bring a little person in the world. I had my first baby dream two days ago. Let me explain this dream to you...

We are in the backyard of my Nana and Grandpa's house at a normal family BBQ. It is spring time and the weather is very nice. All the normal commotion going on in the background, the little girl cousins playing, Jumbo asking Heavy "if he can get at those," Shelby is laughing. Uncle John at the grill the Guam women getting the food ready, Aunt Les is taking pictures of me and the new kid. Carrie is sitting to my left sipping on a long anticipated margarita, and here I am holding my little boy, sitting in a lawn chair in the driveway facing the garage holding him up in the air and he gives me a giant toothless smile. With every thrust into the air that classic baby laugh roars. I was overwhelmed with pure joy and excitement, as this is MY little guy.

As I toss him up again and when he falls back into my arms my my baby speaks in a rather dinstinct tone, "Well father, it is a true pleasure to be a majestic Barker." He spoke some more but I cant remember all of what he said but to say the least my 3 month old son spoke to me with great diction.

When I woke up i had to laugh hard and realized that man i am going to be a dad in just a half a year.

Sigh...

I can't get over the nerves at this point. I hope and pray our baby is growing normal and healthy. I can't help but think of some of the negatives. I can't wait for the appointment tomorrow. I just want to know our baby is good. All that said, I have been preparing myself for any negative news. I doubt there is any proper way to prepare, but I will try. I am keeping positive thoughts and know there is a minimal chance for the negative, however the overwhelming thought lingers beyond anything I have endured before. Its amazing the emotion that has been going through me as the appointment approaches. Even as I write this my stomach is in knots, my mind is inevitably clouded, and my eyes well up now and again. The whole day I have been trying to stay busy and keep my mind clear. I have eaten today only by force as I have no taste for anything. Please be okay, please.

Nerves Building

We have our first official doctor appointment in about a week. I have read through several books and have done a lot of research on what to expect during the nine months. With all that information there is an overwhelming amount of all the bad things that could happen that I came across too. With that comes all the nerves. I hate to think about the things that could go wrong, therefore I try to overwhelm myself with good thoughts. I try to do the same for Carrie too, as I know she thinks of all the same things. I imagine every soon to be parent thinks the same way no matter what kid they are on but I still can't help myself.

Aside from all that Carrie seems to be doing pretty good so far.

2009 Marks New Life

As we ring in New Year we ring in new happenings in the world of the Barkers. Carrie is still making the drive to LaSalle and I still work at LCCC and continue to coach baseball. Carrie has undertaken a new pastime coaching 16 year-old girls softball and will continue to do that throughout the summer. Carrie is in her second year as a kindergarten teacher and continues to educate her little people. I still love my job and hope to evolve along the way.

All that said we were hoping to expand the Barker name eventually and that eventually has turned into reality. Carrie and I found out there will be another Barker and she is already 6 weeks along. We found out Monday January 19, 2009 at around 4:30pm. During the weekend prior we took two pregnancy tests and still were not convinced. Needless to say the doctor confirmed and we will be parents in nine months. The projected due date is September 21, 2009.
Carrie and I are very excited to bring a new little life into the world.