A Different Outlook

I woke up this morning to the sound of my alarm, a gong like sound on my Blackberry. I rolled over dismissed the alarm and for a short time fell back asleep. I woke up, drank most of my water in my water bottle walked to the kitchen to fill it up again and gazed out the window. I looked around, the clouds were gray, the wind was strong, cars parked, people walking their dogs, and people going somewhere. I stood there with sleeping eyes, water bottle in my left hand and stared for several minutes. I trimmed my facial hair, showered, shaved, dressed, fixed my meals for the day, ate breakfast and walked out to my car. I place everything in my car including my laptop, lunch and workout clothes and looked around.

I took it all in. I think I had an epiphany. I saw my life in a different light. For the past 2 months I have made some changes in my life. I have lost nearly 38lbs and most notably 18lbs in the past 2 1/2 weeks. I am running, jogging, yeah the stuff where you move your feet at a fast pace for extended periods of distances and time. (I know its shocker haha)I lift weights and feel like I am a sophomore in college again when I was in incredible shape. I eat well majority of the time. I eat a lot, thanks in part to a good friend Andrew, who made me a diet I never thought I would follow.

I remember the day I found out Carrie and I became soon to be parents. I was sitting in the recliner, watching television. I was the at the heaviest weight I have ever been. Carrie came out of the bathroom and said I'm pregnant. I sat in silence as my excitement and nerves overwhelmed me to the extent in which words could not generate, sounds were nothing more than bleeps, and the expression on my face was frozen. I politely told Carrie to shut up numerous times, all the while she insisted she was truthful. I asked her to take another one or told her rather. She confirmed again and that's when it all happen.

As I sat there in disbelief, excitement, fear and excitement again. I then was struck by another feeling of sadness. I realized who I was. I realized that life had to change. I said to Carrie, "Dammit! Now I have to get my ass in shape, because I am not going to be a fat dad." Those were pretty close to my exact words I think. They still ring very true to this moment. I am going to make sure that I do everything my dad did and still does with me. I don't have to worry about calling my dad up and asking him if he wants to go play some tennis or something, because he is in great shape. I want to make sure when my kids are 26 or however old, they are able to call on me and I am able to go beat them in whatever they want to play. (Yes I said BEAT them, just cause they are younger doesn't mean I am going to let them win.)

All that said when I walked out to my car this morning all that rang through my body and mind again. I realized that life is good. Before, I kept waiting for fate to take over and in part I still think there is a plan but in the mean time I am gonna generate my own plan. I just think I need to take what is given to me and see what happens. I have a great wife, family, friends, job, roof over my head, car and so on. I appreciate these things and take a great deal of pride in what I have.

We are Underway

We had our second visit to the doctor yesterday and this one was short and F ing SWEET. This was the first time we got to hear the heartbeat of the our kid. Carrie is healthy and as far as we know our kid is healthy and growing just fine!

It took a day or so for the actual shock that there is a baby inside of my wife to set in. Now that it has I am stoked. I just can't believe it. The heartbeat was beating at an incredible rate of 150 beats per minute!

I am so grateful Carrie and our baby are doing well! Carrie has had little to no first trimester sickness which we are both thankful for. We have our first ultrasound in about 8 weeks so I am super excited and at that time we will be able to maybe see the sex.

I can't wait, what a great thing!

Whewww!

Well we went to the doctor last week and so far so good. We go again in another four weeks and I am not sure what to expect from that appointment.

Carrie is still feeling pretty good. Not showing yet but we are still only 9 weeks along.

I still am pretty nervous and just want to get out of this first trimester and move along with the pregnancy. I guess the first trimester is the most vulnerable time. Therefore my nerves are on the fritz more often than not.

All that said we are optimistic. We are super excited and I especially am so hyped to bring a little person in the world. I had my first baby dream two days ago. Let me explain this dream to you...

We are in the backyard of my Nana and Grandpa's house at a normal family BBQ. It is spring time and the weather is very nice. All the normal commotion going on in the background, the little girl cousins playing, Jumbo asking Heavy "if he can get at those," Shelby is laughing. Uncle John at the grill the Guam women getting the food ready, Aunt Les is taking pictures of me and the new kid. Carrie is sitting to my left sipping on a long anticipated margarita, and here I am holding my little boy, sitting in a lawn chair in the driveway facing the garage holding him up in the air and he gives me a giant toothless smile. With every thrust into the air that classic baby laugh roars. I was overwhelmed with pure joy and excitement, as this is MY little guy.

As I toss him up again and when he falls back into my arms my my baby speaks in a rather dinstinct tone, "Well father, it is a true pleasure to be a majestic Barker." He spoke some more but I cant remember all of what he said but to say the least my 3 month old son spoke to me with great diction.

When I woke up i had to laugh hard and realized that man i am going to be a dad in just a half a year.

Sigh...

I can't get over the nerves at this point. I hope and pray our baby is growing normal and healthy. I can't help but think of some of the negatives. I can't wait for the appointment tomorrow. I just want to know our baby is good. All that said, I have been preparing myself for any negative news. I doubt there is any proper way to prepare, but I will try. I am keeping positive thoughts and know there is a minimal chance for the negative, however the overwhelming thought lingers beyond anything I have endured before. Its amazing the emotion that has been going through me as the appointment approaches. Even as I write this my stomach is in knots, my mind is inevitably clouded, and my eyes well up now and again. The whole day I have been trying to stay busy and keep my mind clear. I have eaten today only by force as I have no taste for anything. Please be okay, please.

Nerves Building

We have our first official doctor appointment in about a week. I have read through several books and have done a lot of research on what to expect during the nine months. With all that information there is an overwhelming amount of all the bad things that could happen that I came across too. With that comes all the nerves. I hate to think about the things that could go wrong, therefore I try to overwhelm myself with good thoughts. I try to do the same for Carrie too, as I know she thinks of all the same things. I imagine every soon to be parent thinks the same way no matter what kid they are on but I still can't help myself.

Aside from all that Carrie seems to be doing pretty good so far.

2009 Marks New Life

As we ring in New Year we ring in new happenings in the world of the Barkers. Carrie is still making the drive to LaSalle and I still work at LCCC and continue to coach baseball. Carrie has undertaken a new pastime coaching 16 year-old girls softball and will continue to do that throughout the summer. Carrie is in her second year as a kindergarten teacher and continues to educate her little people. I still love my job and hope to evolve along the way.

All that said we were hoping to expand the Barker name eventually and that eventually has turned into reality. Carrie and I found out there will be another Barker and she is already 6 weeks along. We found out Monday January 19, 2009 at around 4:30pm. During the weekend prior we took two pregnancy tests and still were not convinced. Needless to say the doctor confirmed and we will be parents in nine months. The projected due date is September 21, 2009.
Carrie and I are very excited to bring a new little life into the world.